Everything Has Changed
by JustASmallTownGirl123
Summary: "...I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that these past few months haven't meant anything to you. Look me in the eyes and tell me that all of this has just been an act. Tell me..." He pauses, his icy blues locking onto her chocolate browns. "Tell me that you don't love me."
1. Prologue

Prologue

Olivia glances around the apartment they have been sharing for the last four months and marvels at the idea that it only takes two suitcases full of her belongings to completely alter the look of the space. Her books are no longer scattered around the coffee and end tables. The gray sweatshirt that they share keeps her warm instead of lying over the back of the couch. It's the only item that is not wholly hers and not wholly his, the one that she can't bear to leave behind. She wonders if he'll miss it; if he'll miss her, because God knows she will miss him.

She'll miss waking up in his arms to find him already awake and studying her face. She'll miss the late nights after work filled with pizza, beer, and laughter. She'll even miss the mess he makes of putting away their laundry or cooking them dinner.

It doesn't matter what she will miss though. What matters is saving what is left of their relationship, and after this past week she's come to the conclusion that the only way for her to do that is to leave.

"We both chose each other over the job. We can never let that happen again. Otherwise...we can't be partners."

She never thought in a million years he would be the one to suggest and end to their partnership. Sure, she didn't think it would never happen, but she thought it would come from the Brass, their Captain even, but never from Elliot.

"I can't believe you're saying that."

In the moment she couldn't. Her brain was still too muddled from the thought of losing him, possibly from her own hand, that the mere thought of him suggesting an end to their partnership was unimaginable. But as she walks around their apartment for a final once-over, she realizes she does understand. She will always choose him over the job, there is no part of her that believes otherwise.

"You and this job are about the only things I've got anymore. I don't want to wreck that. I couldn't take it."

This too she understands, because it is the same way for her. She had wanted to tell him as much, but he had walked away before she could utter a single syllable. She thinks maybe if they had been able to talk he would be here with her, maybe snuggled up on the couch, telling her how much he loves her rather than her standing in front of their door alone.

But they hadn't talked and so she deposits her car key and the key to the apartment on the counter by the note she's left him, grabs both suitcases, and walks out just as she hears the taxi pull up outside.

She is thankful they live – lived - she no longer lives here, the luggage in her hands makes that perfectly clear- on the first floor so it makes the trip a little easier. The cabbie spots her and rushes around to the back to open the trunk and help her load her belongings into it.

"Heading out of town for a while?" He asks with a thick Brooklyn accent that reminds her of him.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." She replies, only she knows a while could also mean forever if she has it her way.

Once both of her suitcases sit snugly in the carpet lined interior of the trunk the man heads back to the front. She takes a few minutes to compose herself, also making sure she hasn't forgotten anything important inside. Her hand reaches up to close the trunk when light suddenly floods onto the rear window of the cab, casting a fluorescent glow into the dark, blustery night.

She sighs heavily as the engine shuts off, casting the cab back into complete darkness. She had been trying to avoid this, being as quick as she could packing up her things, knowing he might arrive any second and try to talk her out of this. And she had almost succeeded. Almost.

"Liv?" His voice is rough, ragged, tired, and cautious, not something she is used hearing in him.

She shuts the trunk and turns around, her eyes downcast. "Please, Elliot...please, don't try to stop me."

"Stop you?" He questions and the genuine confusion in his voice causes the tears she's been holding back to fill her lids.

There's a beat and then she hears him puff out a breath in understanding.

"Oh." He breathes, and she watches as his feet shuffle a little closer. "Liv, if this is about what I said at the hospital, just...just forget it. I didn't mean any of it."

She lets out an amused chuckle causing a few tears to spill down her face. "Yes, you did. It's okay, you don't have to lie about it."

He takes another step and she can see his hand as it reaches towards her face and when it reaches its destination, it takes all of her self-control not to lean into it as he brushes her tears away. "Olivia, please don't do this. We can figure this out. I promise if you just-"

She stops him with a finger to his lips. After a few seconds she removes it and shakes her head slowly. "You and I both know that's not true. This has gone too far, to the point where we can't even focus on the job anymore. Like you said, we chose each other and we can't let that happen anymore."

"What do you mean 'too far'?" He whispers, drawing his hand back.

She misses the warmth instantly and already regrets the words she knows she has to say to convince him to let her go. "Us. We let things go too far, we got too close."

"I still don't understand."

She shuts her eyes tight against the tears and bites down on her bottom lip so hard she draws blood. The coppery taste is still on her tongue when she speaks again. "I-I lead you on. I'm sorry, I just don't feel the same way."

His hand is on her chin in an instant, tipping her face up so they are at eye level for the first time since he arrived. She watches as he studies her face intently, searching, she thinks, for any sign of doubt in her features.

"If you really want to leave, I won't stop you, but first I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that these past few months haven't meant anything to you. Look me in the eyes and tell me that all of this has just been an act. Tell me..." He pauses, his icy blues locking onto her chocolate browns. "Tell me that you don't love me."

This is what she had been most afraid of, actually having to speak the words out loud. She takes a few moments to memorize the way his face looks, the way his other hand moves to her wrist and lightly fingers the grey material that covers it, the way his chest rises and falls heavily only a few inches from hers. She tries to memorize all these things and more, because she wants to remember him before the devastation, before the lie that will soon come spilling out of her mouth changes the way he will look at her forever.

Knowing she will break down if she tries to answer every request she chooses the most important one. The biggest lie of them all.

"I don't love you."

Before another second passes between them she quickly moves out of his hold and walks around the car. She slides in, shuts the door tightly, and apologizes for the delay.

"S'not a problem." The man answers, looking at her through the rear view mirror. "Where to?"

"JFK." She answers, pulling her seatbelt on.

The metal clicks into place just as the idling taxi pulls out into traffic. She fights against every bone in her body that is urging her to turn around and give him one last fleeting glance.

_Don't do it. It'll only make it hurt that much more,_ screams her brain.

T_his might be the last time you ever see him,_ her heart counters.

So, like she has done several times that week, she listens to her heart and turns around. He has moved several feet forward from where they had been standing like he had tried to run after the car for a few seconds. His arms hang limply at his sides and his whole body radiates defeat. The sight of him like this kills her and to know she is the cause of his pain breaks her. She is about to turn around when he raises a hand up and gives a slight wave in her direction.

A sob bubbles up from deep within her chest and she covers her mouth with a hand before it can escape. She turns around and slides down lower in the seat trying to take deep, slow breaths. She can't break down here, not in front of a complete stranger, not when the only man who could comfort her is still so close.

She won't shed another tear until she's far away from this place. Far away from the guilt, from the hurt, from the love, from the fault.


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

17 Years Later

"She's going to kill you when she finds out." Ellie breathes, looking at her brother from her spot on his unmade bed.

"Don't you mean _us_?" He corrects, throwing another pair of jeans into the duffle bag beside her. "Just because I'm the one going doesn't mean I was the only mastermind of this plan."

"Okay, so maybe she'll kill _us_," she concedes as she pulls her legs up to her chest. "But Ryan, you should be prepared to take the brunt of her wrath."

"Why?" He questions with a smirk. "You gonna play the favorite card again? I do recall my dear, twin sister, that she has denied having a favorite countless times."

Ellie just sighs contentedly, glancing at her nails. "Alright, if that's what gets you to sleep at night..."

She screams as the pillow comes flying straight for her face and glares at him heatedly when she hears his triumphant chuckle. She throws the pillow back at him and crosses her arms over her chest angrily when he catches it.

"You know I hate it when you scare me like that," she says, avoiding his amused gaze.

"Yeah, well, in all life a little rain must fall," he answers with a smile.

There's a soft knock on the door and they both turn when their mother pops her head in. "I thought you were supposed to be helping him pack?"

"Mom, this is Ellie we're talking about, when has she ever helped me do anything?" She knows he's only messing with her and resists the urge to grab the radio clock on the bedside table and chuck it at his head.

Their mom just rolls her eyes and sends her a smile. "Well, whatever you're doing you need to hurry it up, Ryan's plane leaves in two hours and we need to get going."

"Yes, Mom," they answer in unison and she just shakes her head.

"You know it creeps me out when you two do that," she says and they both laugh.

"Yeah, but you've had seventeen years to get used to it," Ellie points out as Ryan ducks into the bathroom between their bedrooms to grab his shower stuff.

"It's still weird," she answers, grabbing the knob of the door to close it. "Just make sure he gets everything packed and you're both ready to go in thirty minutes."

"Will do," she confirms with a salute, and her mom laughs as she closes the door.

Ryan comes back in with his various toiletries and she hands him a couple small shower bags to put everything in.

"So, should we go over the plan one more time?" She asks, pulling a piece of paper from her jeans pocket.

"If I say no, will that stop you?" He questions, zipping the first full bag and putting it on top of his clothes in the nearly full duffle.

She ignores him and begins reciting from the piece of paper in her hands. "Mom thinks you're going to New York for a summer college program on computer sciences held at..."

"NYU." He finishes, reaching over her to grab his various cell phone and laptop chargers on the table beside her. "Which isn't a complete lie, because they are actually having one, I'm just not attending it."

"Note to self, don't bring that up when she eventually finds out what you're doing." She comments, writing it down on the paper. "Alright, once you get to New York..."

"I'm going to check into my hotel which is right by the airport and then I'm going to take a cab down to the- what's it called again?"

"Precinct." She answers, shaking her head and adding that to the paper as well. "Dude, Mom's a cop, how do you not know that?"

"She never called it that when we were kids and she calls the one here generic stuff like, 'work' or 'the office' or something." He defends and gestures over to her side of the bed. "Can you grab my laptop? It's on the floor by the-"

She hands it to him before he can finish his sentence. "Okay, now once you're at the precinct you ask what floor the Special Victims Unit is on and once you get there..."

"I find someone who knows who Elliot Stabler is and ask where I can find him." He says, placing his laptop carefully in its travel case before setting it in his carry-on. "Where are those books you told me to bring in case I get bored on the plane?"

"On my dresser." She answers and continues reading down the list as he walks through their bathroom to get them.

She doesn't think Ryan will mess this up, but she had still found it necessary to write out the plan just in case. They've always worked as a team on things like this and she wishes they could both go, but close as they are, their mom would never have believed that they both wanted to go to New York for a two week long computer sciences program. Ellie shudders at the thought of being stuck in a stuffy computer lab for two weeks and shakes her head when she thinks her brother would probably still enjoy himself if that were where he was actually going.

However, that's not where he's headed, so she continues quizzing him about the plan when he walks back in with the stack of books she had set out for him last night. "So, if and when you can find him you're..."

"I'm going to explain who I am and ask him if he knows who our father is." He answers, setting the books in the bag with his laptop.

"Yes, but don't just come right out and ask that. You need to ease into it, be a little more subtle." She explains, writing down the word 'subtle' by that step of the plan.

"What if this doesn't work, Ellie?" He questions, sitting down on the bed beside her. "What if I get there and he tells me to leave, that he has no idea what the hell I'm talking about?"

"Ryan, do you remember any of those stories mom used to tell us about him?" She asks and he nods his head slowly. "Well, the way she talked about him makes me believe that he's not the kind of guy who would just tell you to leave after five seconds of conversation."

"Fine, but what if he doesn't even work there anymore?" He points out, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Then you get the lucky end of the deal and get to spend two weeks in New York doing whatever you want while I'm stuck here helping mom plan her wedding to The Loser." She answers, sighing as she hands him the paper.

"Why do you call him that?" Ryan asks, putting the paper in his back pocket like she'd had it in hers only a few moments ago. "I know he's not 'Man of the Year' or anything, but mom likes him and he's not that bad."

"Exactly!" She exclaims, pointing a finger at him. "She likes him, but does she really love him?"

He sighs, running a hand through his messy, brown curls, one of the only physical traits they both have in common. "I'm a guy; I don't really pay that much attention to who my mom is in love with."

"Okay, but at least tell me you agree with me that it's really annoying when Jeff tries to play 'Dad' whenever he's over here." She says, folding her hands in her lap.

"Yeah, okay, that I do notice and you're right it is kind of annoying, but Ellie, why are you resisting him so much? He's a decent guy." He looks at her, one of his eyebrows raised in question.

"I guess..." She trails off and looks out the window, fixing her gaze on the warm bustling street in L.A. that their home sits on. "I guess I can't accept the fact that mom is getting married until we've exhausted all efforts in trying to find our dad. I know that finding him is a long shot, especially because she's never talked about who he is or what he was like, but I at least want to try. Don't you remember talking about trying to find him when we were little? How we would imagine what he would look like and what he would say?"

She looks back over at her brother and the gaze he fixes her with is one of concern. "Yeah, Ellie, but that was a long time ago and I want you to understand that, that might not happen. I might get to New York and maybe I'll be lucky enough to find Elliot, but after that it could be a dead end."

She sighs and lays her head back against the wall. "I know, I do understand, and if it'll make you feel better, I promise to get along better with Jeff if this doesn't work out."

"It does, thank you." He leans his head back against the wall beside hers, and nudges her shoulder with his. "You won't have to put up with him that long, one more year and then we're off to college."

"I guess that's true." She sighs, glancing at him sideways so she doesn't have to move her head. "I will miss mom though."

"Me too. College sounds scary." He jokes and she laughs, and the nervous feeling in her stomach is alleviated slightly.

They sit in comfortable silence for a little while until there's another knock on Ryan's door and their mom says it's time to go. The car ride on the way to the airport is quiet, their mom tries to engage them in small talk every now and then, but they're both too nervous about the success of their plan to really invest in any conversation. They get through security and check Ryan's bag without any hiccups and before long it's time for him to board the plane.

Ryan hugs their mom first and Ellie can't tell what she says, but whatever it is causes her brother to hug her just a little tighter.

When it's her turn to say goodbye she wraps her arms around his chest and his slide over her shoulders like they always do. She knows he takes pride in the fact that he can still rest his chin on her head when they hug and she has learned to accept that as the taller twin he will always be able to do this.

However, this time before she lets go she gets up on her tiptoes and leans in towards his ear. "I'm counting on you, Ry. Don't mess this up."

He pulls back with a smile and squeezes her shoulder. "I won't. I promise."

She nods, gives him another quick hug and waves goodbye with her mom as he walks through the jet way to get on the plane. Her mom slips an arm around her shoulders as they turn and start walking back to the entrance.

"You're really gonna miss him, aren't you?" She asks and Ellie nods her head. "I think I forgot that this is the longest you two have ever been apart."

Ellie nods her head again as they step out into the sun. "Yeah, I think these are going to be the longest two weeks of my life."

Her mom laughs. "I bet by the time he comes back you'll be wishing he would've stayed away longer."

"Maybe." She agrees as they locate the aisle they had parked the car in earlier.

Once they find it they get in and her mom starts to talk about what they'll be able to accomplish with planning the wedding in the time that Ryan is away, but Ellie can't seem to make herself get very involved in the conversation. Her mind is too focused on all the things that could go wrong with their plan and she just hopes her brother has everything under control. She looks up into the sky outside her window and sends up a silent message to him, thinking if ever there was a time for twin telepathy to kick in it would be now.

_I trust you Ryan, but, God, please don't screw this up._

...

"Ellie, I don't think I can do this." Ryan says into his phone as he looks up at the tall building in front of him.

"What?" She asks and he can hear the confusion in her voice. "Ryan, what do you mean you can't do this? Where are you?"

"I'm outside of the precinct, and I mean I can't do this." He answers, moving a little to the right of the entrance so he isn't in anyone's way.

She sighs, "I'm going to need you to elaborate a little more, because when you left you seemed like you had everything under control."

"I shouldn't have talked you into letting me come here." He begins, running a hand through his hair nervously. "I'm computers and science and books. I feel at home in a lab, not talking to some stranger that our mom knew years ago, who may or may not know who our dad is. I should've just let you come, Ellie."

"Oh, Ry." She lets out a deep breath before continuing. "Ryan, you are not just computers and science."

"Um, yes, yes I am." He replies, nodding vigorously even though she can't see him.

"No, you aren't and don't interrupt me again because I was just about to tell you why you aren't." There's a beat of silence before she continues. "Good. Now, listen to me when I say this. You, Ryan Elliot Benson, are not just computers and science. You had the stubbornness to tell me that it was better that you go because you were worried about me getting lost or hurt. That is not just computers and science."

"Thanks, El." He says a little more confident after her pep talk.

"You're welcome. Now, it's like nine there, right?" She asks

"Yeah, I was also gonna ask you about that. Do you think he'll still be at work?"

"I don't know, but mom sometimes comes home late so there's a good chance he might still be there." She answers. "And if he isn't then you can just go back tomorrow, no harm, no foul."

"Okay, I guess I should go in then." He sighs, looking up at the building again.

"Good luck, Ryan, and if he tries to act like he doesn't remember mom or that they weren't as close as she says, just drop the 'My sister and I are named after you ' bomb and he should spill the beans."

He laughs, and shakes his head. "Okay, Ellie. I'll call you after, alright?"

"Like you even had the option not to." She scoffs.

He just rolls his eyes. "Bye."

"Bye."

He hits the end button and slides his phone back into his jeans pocket. He doesn't hesitate as he walks up the stairs and asks the receptionist in the lobby for the floor of the Special Victims Unit, because he knows if he stops for even a second he'll lose his nerve. The elevator he gets into is empty and he is thankful that he won't have to wait for anybody else to get off on the way to his destination.

When he gets off on the correct floor he isn't surprised to find the place relatively quiet. He walks down the hall until he comes to a room full of empty desks and lets out a sigh of frustration. After that pep talk with Ellie he'd been prepared to come up here and just get everything over with, but the only people left milling about are unis and it seems like all the detectives had left some time ago.

"Figures." He mutters and turns around to leave, only to find his path blocked.

"Is there something I can help you with?" The older man in front of him asks, his brow drawn together in question.

"No, I don't think so." He answers with a shrug. "I was looking for someone, but I think they've already left."

"Well, what's their name? I can leave them a message for you." He offers.

"Um, okay." Ryan thinks about something that would be good to say as the man walks over to one of the desks and grabs a blank piece of paper and a pen. "Can you tell Detective Stabler that, uh, that Ryan Benson was here to see him and that he'll come back again sometime tomorrow."

"What did you say your name was?" The man turns around and it looks like he's seen a ghost.

"Nathan Benson." He answers, swallowing thickly when he realizes who he is most likely speaking to. "You're um, you're not Detective Stabler are you?"

"No." He answers and Ryan sighs again, feeling stupid for even thinking it might have been him.

"No, it's actually Captain Stabler now."

**A/N: Well how 'bout them apples? Let me know what you think and thanks for all the reviews, favorites, and follows from last chapter!**

**-Katie**


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

He is all her. From his pointed nose to the olive toned skin that is beginning to tan the same way hers did in the summer. There is not a doubt in Elliot Stabler's mind that this boy, no, this young man is Olivia Benson's son.

"Why don't we move this into my office?" He offers, not wanting to prolong the awkward staring they've been doing for the last minute and a half.

Ryan nods and Elliot leads the way into his office. He shakes his head, because even after nine years as captain it's still hard for him to take ownership of the place. Sometimes he'll walk in expecting to see Don sitting where he always had waiting to give him and Olivia their orders.

Elliot takes his seat behind the old, worn desk and gestures at one of the chairs in front of it for Ryan to sit in. He sits and much to Elliot's dismay they resume their awkward staring coupled with an even more awkward silence.

"So why-?"

"I came because-"

They both laugh and Elliot nods at Ryan, "Go ahead."

"Well, you're probably wondering what the hell I'm doing here and ah, I'm not going to lie, it's pretty hard to understand." He begins, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck.

Elliot watches as his strangely familiar blue eyes flit around the room nervously, "Try me."

"Alright, well..." He sighs heavily and then stands up abruptly and begins to pace behind the two chairs. "Ellie told me to ease into it, but I'm not really good at this whole social thing, I mean I'm not a hermit or anything, but people just aren't my specialty. So, if you don't mind I'm just going to put it all out there, so to speak."

Elliot hides a smile, and recognizes his frustration and the way his brow draws together as parts of Olivia he has picked up over the years. "No, I don't mind at all, but um, who's Ellie?"

"My sister, twin." He clarifies and Elliot's eyes grow wide.

Olivia Benson with a son was a big enough of a surprise, but Olivia Benson with twins...it's completely unexpected.

Ryan takes his silence as a signal to continue and Elliot tries to push down the shock in order to give his full attention to him as he begins to pace again.

"So, my mom is getting married at the end of the summer to this guy Jeff and I think he's fine, but Ellie isn't too fond of him." He rolls his eyes and sighs. "Ellie can be pretty difficult sometimes, but anyway Jeff is kind of the reason I'm here."

Married. She's getting married. It's like a knife to his heart.

Sure, it's been seventeen years and it's not unreasonable for him to believe she's moved on; after all she was the one that left. But married? The only way he'd ever pictured Olivia Benson in a white dress was if she was walking down an aisle towards him.

"Mom never really talks about our dad, who he was, what he was like, etc. and it's always been a big deal to Ellie." He runs a hand through his hair and shrugs his shoulders. "Not that it's not to me, but it's always been really important to her, so we decided to try and find him before Mom gets married. We don't expect them to get back together or anything, but if it's going to happen it should probably happen before Jeff becomes a permanent part of our lives."

Ryan pauses and looks around the room for a moment before his eyes, those oddly familiar blue orbs, fixate on Elliot. "Alright, so why'd you come _here_?"

"Our mom's been telling us stories about you for years." He explains with a shy smile. "You're, well you're like this cool uncle that we've never met but aspire to be, I guess. I don't know, you just seemed like the right guy."

Elliot's brain starts to piece everything together all at once. She's talked about him, told stories about him to her kids. Ryan has to be at least seventeen, the exact number of years she's been gone. His eyes...they're his, Ryan is his.

"I told Ellie the chances of you knowing who our father is, were probably pretty slim after all these years, but she figured if anyone would know it would be you."

Ellie, she's his too. He's still reeling from the realization and it takes him a minute to process Ryan's last statement.

They don't think he's their father, but they think he knows who it is. He looks at Ryan as he stops his pacing and sits back down in his seat and he knows with conviction that this is his son.

But Ryan only thinks Elliot will have answers, he hadn't expected for him to _be_ the answer, so he sighs and tries to sound convincing when he speaks again, "Well, I can't think of anyone right this second..."

Ryan's face falls, disappointed. "It's alright, I told Ellie this wasn't a good idea."

"That doesn't mean that it won't come to me eventually." He finishes, giving him a pointed look. "How long are you here for?"

"Two weeks." Ryan answers, his face perking up a bit. "But, you don't think it'll take you that long to think of someone do you?"

Elliot laughs and shakes his head. "No, I promise I'll be quicker than that. Out of curiosity, what exactly does your mom think you're doing here? Because I know she wouldn't be encouraging this expedition if she knew what it was really about."

Elliot watches the tips of Ryan's ears and cheeks flush red and he has a sinking suspicion she has no idea what he's doing here. "Ryan?"

"She thinks I'm at this summer computer thing at NYU." He confesses, wringing his hands together. "It's not a complete lie. I was planning on visiting the campus if this turned out to be a dead end."

"So if I hadn't known a thing, you would've just gone traipsing through New York by yourself for two whole weeks?" He questions skeptically, cringing at the idea on the inside and feeling even better about stopping by the squad room again before heading home.

"Yeah, pretty much." Ryan nods letting out a small laugh. "When you put it that way I sound really stupid, don't I?"

"Not really stupid." He answers with a smile, standing up. "Where are you staying, I'll give you a lift?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that, I can manage." Ryan says, standing up as well. "I found my way here; I can find my way back.

"I'm sure you could, but your mom would have my ass if she found out I let you 'find your way back', in this city at this time of night." Elliot counters, moving over to the office door and opening it for Ryan.

"Yeah, she probably would." Ryan agrees with a laugh as they walk toward the elevators.

…

Ellie paces back and forth the length of her room. It's been an hour since Ryan called and she hasn't heard anything back yet. She's picked up her phone several times to call him, but each time she had put it back down, not wanting to interrupt any conversation her brother might be having with Elliot.

She really wishes he would call back though, because it's almost five here in California and she knows her mom will start making dinner soon and then she'll be forced to come out and try and act like everything is normal. On a regular basis Ellie had been the twin who could put on a straight face and avoid whatever truth they had been trying to hide from their mother. But none of those lies had been as big as this one, and with a cop for a mother she has experienced an interrogation at the dinner table more times then she can count.

Ellie thinks she should suggest that they invite Jeff over; her mother would be less likely to make a scene in front of him if she couldn't hold it together and spilled the beans. She can't believe she's freaking out and its only day one. How is she supposed to do this for two whole weeks? Maybe Ryan was right, she should've gone. He always stayed in his room and worked on his computer, their mom wouldn't have thought any different about him doing that, but Ellie is the social butterfly. She only hides in her room when she's had a bad day at school or she really needs to study for a test, staying here trying to avoid her mom won't work for long.

If only Ryan would just pick up his phone and call her. Knowing what was happening with him and Elliot would calm her down a little bit and she wouldn't be as on edge.

There's a knock on her bedroom door and she stops her pacing. "Yeah?"

"What were you thinking for dinner? I was going to make something, but since it's just us I thought maybe we could order in."

"Um, whatever's fine with me." She answers, trying to sound normal.

_God, Ellie. Calm down, why are you freaking out like this? You've been planning this for ages, get yourself under control._

"Honey, what's wrong?" Her door cracks open and her mom takes a half step inside her room.

"Nothing, why would there be anything wrong?" She asks, gaining a skeptical look from her mother who now steps fully into the room.

Ellie moves over to her bookcase, her back to her mother, trying to compose herself so she doesn't look like she's hiding anything.

"Well, you've been acting a little odd ever since we left the airport." Olivia offers, walking over to the bed against the far wall and out of habit beginning to make it. "Is it because of Ryan?"

"What?" Ellie asks, turning to look at her. "No, no. I'm fine. Glad for the peace and quiet, you know."

Olivia scrutinizes her, her brow wrinkling as she tucks in the sheets. "Well, you didn't seem so happy about him leaving after he got on the plane. You looked a little worried."

"Is that a bad thing?" She questions, and Olivia watches as she tugs at the hem of her shirt. It's a nervous tick both of her children had developed when they were little and were worried about getting in trouble for something.

"No, but I don't understand why you would be." Olivia hates fishing like this with her daughter, but she can't help feeling like Ellie and maybe even Ryan have kept something from her.

"Well, it's a big city and you know Ryan, he's not very good with directions or people." She answers, helping Olivia pull up the comforter.

"Ellie, we live in L.A. it's like New York, just warmer." Olivia laughs and grabs one of the pillows on the floor and as she fluffs it a sheet of paper falls out of it.

Before Olivia can get a hold of it, Ellie snatches it off the bed and stuffs it in her pocket. The look of deception and guilt that quickly flashes over her daughter's face does even more to convince Olivia that something is going on.

"Let me see that, right now." Olivia stretches her hand out towards Ellie who immediately takes a step back.

"It's private." Ellie replies, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. "It was in _my _pillowcase, in _my_ room. It's none of your business."

"Well your room is in _my_ house and you are _my_ daughter." Olivia retorts, walking around the bed, frustrated when Ellie counters her movements and walks over to the door leading to the bathroom. "I'm not an idiot, Ellie. As much as you would like to believe that I didn't find it out of the ordinary that you and your brother spent so much time together these past two weeks, I did. You two have been fighting like cats and dogs since you were old enough to talk. Something is going on here that you aren't telling me."

"Nothing is going on, Mom." Ellie snaps, rolling her eyes. "Maybe we've been spending so much time together because we don't want to spend time with you and _Jeff_."

Olivia is taken aback at the way her daughter spits out her fiancé's name so icily. "I thought you two liked Jeff?"

"I put up with him because he makes you happy." She answers looking away from her. "I don't like the way he treats me and Ryan like his kids, because we're not. We're your kids, not his."

"Ellie, why didn't you tell me you felt like this?" Olivia asks, taking a few cautious steps towards her.

"I told you, because he makes you happy." Ellie looks back up at her and there are tears shinning in her brown eyes. "I don't think I'll ever like him as much as you and Ryan do, but I'll get over it eventually."

Olivia takes the remaining few steps towards Ellie and wraps her in her arms. "Baby, I don't want you to have to 'get over it eventually.' If it's really bothering you, I can talk to him about it."

"Really?" She asks, her voice muffled against Olivia's shoulder.

"Really." Olivia confirms, and hates what she's about to do next.

For all she knows this confession is just an act, something she knows Ellie has perfected over the years as a way to distract from what she's really hiding. Knowing she's only got a few moments before her daughter pulls away; Olivia quickly grabs the corner of the paper she can see sticking out of Ellie's back pocket and pulls it out.

Ellie notices immediately and tries to grab for the folded piece of notebook paper, but Olivia has already taken a few precautionary steps back.

"You tricked me!" She yells, clearly agitated.

"And what exactly were you trying to do, Ellie?" Olivia asks in reply and Ellie just huffs in response.

Glancing at her daughter from the corner of her eye, she unfolds the paper and begins reading.

_Manhattan Special Victims Unit_

_16__th__ precinct_

_Detective Elliot Stabler-mom's partner for seven years, Ryan and I are named after him, probably knows who our dad is._

She scans the rest of the paper and its just more notes and scribbles, but her head is already spinning with what the words on this piece of paper mean. They've gone looking for their father. Digging into her past without even thinking about the repercussions and the only saving grace is that they don't think that it's him.

"Eleanor Casey Benson, you better start explaining yourself right this instant." Her voice is shaking and she swallows thickly, trying to maintain her composure.

"We just wanted to know who he was." She answers, crossing her arms again. "That's all we've ever wanted to know, Mom. But you wouldn't tell us, so we took things into our own hands."

"So this whole college program at NYU, it was a lie? Your brother is just wandering around Manhattan right now looking for your father?" Olivia questions, her anger swelling and her face growing red.

"He's not wandering anywhere. He's going to meet Elliot, he has the address and he called me before he went into the precinct." Ellie explains, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Ellie, do you understand how dangerous this is? He's a teenager and he's alone in New York." She shakes her head furiously and looks around for her daughter's cell phone.

"Didn't you just say that Manhattan is just like L.A. only colder?" Ellie questions. "What are you looking for?"

Olivia spots it on her window sill and holds it up. "This. And I only said that because I thought you were worried about him and I was trying to help."

"Well that's some great parenting right there." Ellie mutters.

She whips her head up, looking away from the phone. "You are in so much trouble already and you think now is a good time to call my parenting into question?"

Olivia doesn't wait for a response as she angrily dials her son's number and holds the phone up to her ear as it begins to ring. Ellie sits down on her bed dejectedly and turns her back to Olivia just as Ryan picks up the call.

"Ellie, I told you I would call later."

"Ryan Elliot Benson, where the hell are you? Because if it's not in the hotel room that I suspect you and your sister reserved for you, you better get there right now." Ellie glances up, but quickly looks away at the glare Olivia is leveling at her.

"Crap." He mutters. "Mom, please let me expl-"

"I've already got all the explaining I need from your sister. Now where are you?"

"We just got to the hotel. I'm fine Mom, don't worry." He answers.

"Don't worry?" She asks incredulously. "I'm way past worrying here Ryan, you and your sister are already grounded for the rest of the summer and at this point I don't know if I'll even let you go back to school."

He sighs but doesn't say anything else and it suddenly occurs to her that he had said 'we' a moment earlier. "Who are you with?"

"I thought you said Ellie explained everything?" He asks in response.

"Ryan-"

"Olivia?"

Just like that her breath has been knocked out of her and in a split second her fury has turned into something else completely.

"Olivia, it's me- I mean it's Elliot." There's a pause and she can hear him sigh. "Olivia?"

"Ye-yeah, I'm here." She turns away from Ellie who is giving her an odd look.

"Don't worry about Ryan, he's fine." She closes her eyes against the sound of his voice, the familiar Brooklyn accent makes her feel so many different things at once and it's like she's stepped back in time.

She's too wrapped up in all the memories that are suddenly flooding her mind that she only hears the end of his next question. "What? Sorry I missed that."

"I said that I think he'll be fine on his own, but if you want I can stay with him tonight." He repeats.

"I wouldn't want you to change any plans or-"

"Olivia," He interrupts and lets out a small chuckle before continuing. "I haven't had plans with anyone for about seventeen years."

She understands the enormity of his words, but doesn't want to think about any of that at the moment. "Well, if you'd stay with him tonight that would be great. Ellie and I will be on the first plane out tomorrow morning."

"Alright, I've gotta work tomorrow, we're still in the middle of a case, you want to just meet us at the 1-6?" He asks.

"Yeah, I guess that's fine. Don't let Ryan get in the middle of anything though." She cautions.

"I wasn't planning on it." He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "You and me, we gotta talk tomorrow. Liv, are they-?"

"Not right now, Elliot." She cuts him off, the question he wants answered is just too much for her at the moment. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, tomorrow." He replies. "And, Liv?"

She closes her eyes again, her name coming off his lips like that, it's all too familiar. "Yeah?"

"It's really good to hear your voice again."

**A/N: Sorry guys! Totally meant to post this yesterday but I lost track of time! Thanks for all the reviews and follows/favorites.**

**-Katie**


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